Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
