I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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