I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I have so many feelings about this burrito
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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