READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
