problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
