Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
