a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
