this beer tastes like vomit already
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
