a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
