saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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