There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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