he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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