The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
