whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
