I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
