You're my little dorito
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
