Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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