We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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