Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
