You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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