and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
