Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
