Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
