I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Four minutes until I can fart!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
