I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
