Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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