Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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