textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
