return my video game
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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