i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
