I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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