I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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