the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
