I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My hand turned me down
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
