my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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