Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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