I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
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Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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