My sheets look like a crime scene.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
They are going to name an STD after you.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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