Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Bring me that man meat
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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