Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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