He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just gift wrapped bread.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Randomize
