She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
