1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
