Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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