Screwed.edu
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
