So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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