can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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