i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
