Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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