I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
