I wish they made helmets for livers.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I would ride that face into the sunset
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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