At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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