Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
