Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
