My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
