Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
