just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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