He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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