I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
