You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I know her cup size but not her name....
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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