I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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