I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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