Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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