i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
