When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
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I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
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I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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