she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
