I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
