I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Randomize
