isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
