Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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