Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
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There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
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I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
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