I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
