It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
