Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
