After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize