the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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