i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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